Core Values

When "Being There" Meant Missing the Point

Look, I’m no expert on being a dad. Not after losing Sarah, not after trying to hold three kids and a job together. But I had this idea: my core value was showing up. Every game, every recital, every school thing. I’d tell the kids, "I’ll be there, no matter what." Like it was a promise I could keep.

Last Tuesday, my daughter Maya had her piano recital. She’d practiced for months. I’d promised her I’d be there. Then, at 3:45 PM, my phone rings. Emergency call at the old Miller place – main panel’s on fire, people are scared. I know it’s bad. I know I should call the boss and say I’m out, but I’m stupid. I think, I’ll just get it done fast, be back in time. I’m not thinking about Maya’s hands shaking on the keys, about her looking for me in the crowd.

I got it fixed. It was done by 4:15. But Maya’s recital was over. She’d already left the auditorium, her face all tight. I found her in the hallway, not looking at me. "You said you’d be there," she said, quiet. Not yelling. That was worse. I didn’t have a good answer. Just stood there, stupid.

After, I tried to fix it. Brought her ice cream, asked if she wanted to talk. She just shook her head. The next day, she didn’t want me to pick her up from school. Said, "I’ll walk." That’s when it hit me: I’d failed my own value. I thought "showing up" meant always being present. But it’s not about never missing a thing. It’s about being there when you are there. And I wasn’t. I was distracted, thinking I could do both, and I missed the whole point.

Here’s what I figured out: You can’t be everywhere. You can’t promise what you can’t deliver. My value isn’t about never missing a thing. It’s about owning the times you do miss it, and making sure the next time, you’re fully there. No excuses. Just showing up, even if it’s just for the next five minutes.

You just do the next thing. Even if it’s just saying, "I’m sorry I missed it. I’ll be here for the next one." And you mean it.

— Jimmy Hawkins, just a dad figuring it out

— Tracy Carlson, saying the thing since 2018